Ain't No Ghost! Resident Evil 7 Review

By Source (WP:NFCC#4), Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=52677863

I played the Beginning Hour demo. There was ghost.

I played Resident Evil: Biohazard... ain't no ghost!

Wow, I Don't Hate This: Simon Williams "Disintegration" Review

Look, I hate most things. I hate hings just for the bitter pleasure of telling people that the thing they like is dumb, and they're dumb for liking it. I hate myself, too, so very likely my disposition is a large character flaw pointing to some undiagnosed mental illness, but I mean...

I liked Disintegration.

Subscription to Nostalgia: PlayStation Now

I've owned a PS4 for two years now, and it wasn't until recently that I tried PlayStation Now.

PS Now is PlayStation's subscription gaming service, allowing users to stream-play older Playstation games. I've seen it referred to as a Netflix of games, and while that isn't the most apt description, it's a good place to start.

I Take a Dive into Anime Infested Waters, Qurare: Magic Library and Onigiri Review

   

     Ahh Japan, the "Land of the Rising Sun," a country so tenacious that two atomic bombs couldn't break its spirits. Today Japan is primarily known for its quality exports, such as tit mouse pads and anime body pillows. Japan is also a top exporter of anime, an animation style where the boobs are massive and the chins are pointy. The United States has taken such a liking to anime that another race of sub humans has been created, the Weeaboos. This new minority obsesses  over anything Japanese made, especially cartoons. They often watch entire seasons of anime in a day, they masturbate while watching hentai (Adult Anime that typically involves tentacles), pretend to speak Japanese, and tend to shun anyone who does not have the same taste as them. Today I took a step into a Weeaboos shoes and came back to share my experiences. I really only have one thing to say...

It's Treason, Then

Squid Throat played Battlefield 1 the other day, and I had the opportunity to save a disabled man. But his anger and his lust for power doomed him.

Budget Gaming 101: Stupid Pandas and Psychotic Flash Games.

 I wake up, stare at the ceiling, regret waking up, then roll over to turn on my PlayStation 4 via the wireless controller. The home screen boots up and, instead of firing up Battlefield or Call of Duty, I open the PlayStation Store. Images of holidays sales and deals that I "can't afford to ignore" assault my vision. I begin to feel my willpower erode and decide that having something different to play sounds refreshing. Cash is limited, my wallet resembling a mausoleum, so I decide to view the deals in order by ascending price points. To my astonishment, a few games actually stood out, the next few hours were filled with depression, confusion, and a surprising lack of buyer's remorse, this is budget gaming at it's finest.

Make Games Great Again

Grab Us by Our Disk Trays

            Old people want to bring back the good ol’ days, back when things were separate (but equal). Hipsters flip their hair and moan about music being better in the ‘90s. Millennials buy anything with comic book characters on it in a desperate attempt to hold on to their youth as it slips through their fingers.

            And gamers won’t let go of their fuckin’ Gameboys.

            If this goddamn blog ever has more than like 20 readers, I’m sure there might be a mouth-breather with a Pikachu flatbrim who writes long comments at me about how the Gameboy is timeless, Pokémon Red is a classic game and he made ALL his friends playing Gameboy, and the N64 is the best console, it had Majora’s Mask and-,

            Look, dude, I get it. No, really. I’m a post-hipster millennial who feels like an old man most days. I’m all the things I just spent paragraphs of snark on. I have Power Ranger t-shirts from the original 90s show, I refuse to grow out of Harry Potter, and I tell anyone and everyone about how great the PlayStation 2 was, because there were more developers and diversity in the style of games. But there comes a point when I realize it’s too much, that the nostalgia goggles are misleading and that it’s being exploited by the gaming industry.

            I spent $14.99 on Red Faction for the PS4. RED FACTION. The 2001 Volition title, a game that, while good when it came out, IS NOT WORTH FIFTEEN DOLLARS.

Check out the picture below. Look. LOOK AT WHAT I’VE DONE

            Why did I do this? Simple nostalgia. I played the original Red Faction when I was a wee lad. I hopped on my uncle’s computer, complete with its fancy glowing red mouse, and I wandered around the tunnels of Mars, killing authority figures with extreme prejudice.

            Here I am, 17 years later, hungry for simpler times when I wasn’t aware of things like student debt, republicanism, gerrymandering, nuclear arsenals, spree shootings, did my kid eat today, did I eat today, where did I come from, where am I going, democrats, the liberal agenda, Tumblr— (full list will be on my tombstone)

            Basically, what I’m saying is that it was an impulse buy, like grabbing a Snickers while in line at the grocery store. The problem is that old games and material is getting repackaged and resold to us, and we gobble it up. Companies make a few extra bucks, and Alex is bitterly reminded that games from 2001 have not aged well and no amount of “remastering” will make this game playable or likeable.

            PlayStation has an entire menu for old games on their new console. Xbox One devised their “backwards” compatibility after sales lagged behind the PS4. They might as well proclaim “Make Games Great Again” and then proceed to grab us by our disk trays. It’s a cheap gimmick to pull in profits, and oddly, video games are one of the few mediums I can think of that are susceptible to this.

            I don’t re-buy books because a new cover came out. I don’t rebuy movies unless there is new content or a definite increase in visual quality; I won’t buy movies just because I know they are on Netflix. I could talk about music, but who buys music?

            But there is an entire game-nostalgia market. Sega, Atari and Nintendo classic consoles were released just in time for the holidays. Honestly, I don’t mind that. I really don’t. The classic consoles are at least a revival of a product that might not be accessible to everyone, especially since motherfuckers scalp classic consoles on Ebay. The very fact that people can scalp a Super Nintendo should be a sign that maybe we’re too hooked on the past.

            But there is one major offender who committed a sinister act to draw sales to a lagging franchise. This one right here:

            This is obviously exploitative, and the very fact that you can’t buy Modern Warfare Remastered as an individual game shows it. I’m sure David will rant more about this when he does his Infinite Warfare review, but let me just say this; the nostalgia trend feels a lot like the DLC trend. At first, DLC was cool and neat, now it’s a just a way to milk more money out of gamers. Remastered and re-released games are starting to feel that way.

            We need to curb the nostalgia, at least in our purchasing decisions. Or we’ll end up getting sold Red Faction 2001 over and over again.